(no subject)

[nolly]

Remind you of anyone?

Here are the signs of narcissism. It takes five or more before you can slap the label on someone:

1. An exaggerated or grandiose sense of self-importance that isn't supported by reality

2. A preoccupation with fantasies of extraordinary success, wealth, power, beauty and love

3. A belief that he/she is special and unique and can only be understood by other special people

4. An intense need for admiration

5. A sense of entitlement

6. A tendency to exploit others without guilt or remorse

7. An absence of meaningful empathy

8. A tendency to be envious or to assume that he/she is the object of others' envy

9. An arrogant attitude

Comments

[galtine1.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm, are you looking for a list or for us to reflect upon our selves???

[nolly.livejournal.com]

Mmm...when I saw the list, in silenceleigh's LJ, it reminded me of an ex or two. Thought it might shed some light for others, too.

[penguinicity.livejournal.com]

Knowing that you and many people on your list are fairly involved in cons & fandom, a thought occurs to me.

Many of the characteristics listed sound similar to what you might see in mild Asperger's syndrome. In particular: 2, 3, 4 (maybe replace "need" with "longing"), 6, 7, 8, and 9 (for 7, 8, and 9 it might be more that they "act in such a way that they unknowingly appear arrogant, etc." rather than being arrogant).

So what are the dividing characteristics between narcissism, Asperger's, and social awkwardness? From a practical standpoint is such a dividing line meaningful in any way? I suppose #1 might make a litmus test.

Not sure where I'm going with this thought beyond what I've written. It just struck me as something that might be interesting to consider.

[nolly.livejournal.com]

Most of those I've known who I'd consider moderately to seriously narcissistic can be incredibly charming when they want to be, especially on first meeting them. The believe they are wonderful, and project that belief so strongly that you believe it too, until the evidence to the contrary builds up to the point where it's too much to ignore.

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

Sadly... yes, I have met such people. And yes, first appearances *can* be deceiving.

[supergee.livejournal.com]

The post immediately above yours on my Friends Page (from sclerotic_rings references the same discussion of narcissism. Further evidence that IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.

Ssshhh.

[jbriggs.livejournal.com]

If you can't say something nice ... take'em out with a nuclear warhead.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Barney Fife was a narcissist! That explains everything.

[gunslnger.livejournal.com]

Sounds like everyone who works Ren Faire. :)

[drewkitty.livejournal.com]

>> 1. An exaggerated or grandiose sense of self-importance that isn't supported by reality

This can be a "fake it until you make it" attitude, especially to the extent that the person is actually TRYING HARD to make their dream reality. I.e. first year con chairs. However, continuing to be grandiose in the absence of any effort bent in that direction is bad.

>> 2. A preoccupation with fantasies of extraordinary success, wealth, power, beauty and love

Red warning flag right here.

>> 3. A belief that he/she is special and unique and can only be understood by other special people

Endemic to fandom, I'm afraid. However, a poor leadership quality. "Seek not to be understood, but to understand . . ." St. Francis of Assisi

>> 4. An intense need for admiration

A real problem. Especially if the person needs so much admiration that they steal it from the rest of their team, creating a little black hole that sucks away positive energy. Ironically, the person rarely feels that they get ENOUGH even when they are hogging the whole spotlight for themselves. This is toxic and incredibly destructive in a leader. Eats teams for breakfast.

>> 5. A sense of entitlement

This is the classic Republican "Who drank half of MY water?" problem. It's one thing to assert control over your own holdings; that's just good business. But to take control over that which belongs to others -- or worse, a public trust, which can happen in non-profits and in politics alike -- and run it as a personal fief, that can be very bad.

>> 6. A tendency to exploit others without guilt or remorse

Check. Exploitation is an imbalance where one party gives and gives and the other party takes and takes, without giving anything back. This can be intensely frustrating. The guilt or remorse for most people comes from "Oh, goodness, I should have noticed that I wasn't giving back so that I could give back . . ." but the narcissist thinks instead, "Oh well, used that sucker up, need to recruit more suckers."

>> 7. An absence of meaningful empathy

To empathize you have to understand and CARE how others feel. A sociopath doesn't understand -- a narcissist understands but simply doesn't give a damn.

>> 8. A tendency to be envious or to assume that he/she is the object of others' envy

Nailed this one right on the head. Most people simply don't give a damn about others one way or another. A healthy attitude towards success in others is "Hey, way to go!" or occasionally, "Damn! I wish I had the Salesman of the Year award. Excuse me while I go make several thousand phone calls . . ." The unhealthy attitude is to say, "_I_ deserved that success, why did HE steal it from me?"

>> 9. An arrogant attitude

Damning. A good leader is humble, realizing that they are holding other people's dreams in trust and working hard to contribute to the rest of their team -- building up their subordinates and supporting their own seniors. People are valuable, but all of us are replaceable.

Further deponent sayeth not, mindful of the difference between strongly felt personal opinions and slander.

[karenbynight.livejournal.com]

Thanks! It was a major revelation last year when my therapist pointed out that, although she doesn't diagnose by proxy, I might want to consider the possibility that my father is a narcissist. I'm still very much in a long-term process of evaluating the truth of that (which didn't take much work, actually) and trying to figure out what impact that has and has had on my beliefs about the universe.

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

Thanks for posting the list. I have always assumed that I was one, but I only checked off 3 symptoms. Is it narcissistic to asssume that I'm a narcissist? Is it narcissistice to immediately think it's about me?

[postrophe.livejournal.com]

"Is it narcissistice to immediately think it's about me?"

Hee...
Hey, is it narcissistic to want to score higher? (3 1/2 checks for me...)

',