A Public Service Announcement

[nolly]

If you care that I respect / think well of you, then, when you identify a problem, unless you are willing to do what you are able to do towards ameliorating it, don't whine about it, especially in public or to a general audience.

Note: This is not directed toward any specific individual or situation, but is the consequence of some back-burnered irritation from multiple sources finally simmering down to a coherent statement. Note also that "ameliorate" is not synonymous with "solve", and "do what you are able to do" is not equivalent to "take sole responsibility for". Whine to your best friend(s) in private if you must, but if you whine to me, unless explicitly asked not to, I'll probably start brainstorming ways you might be able to improve the situation.

Comments

[esprix.livejournal.com]

I'm kind of the same way - my instinct is to help solve the problem so the person won't be in distress anymore. It's not that I don't care, nor do I think whining isn't needed from time to time - it's just my nature. Plus, sometimes I enjoy kicking people in the butt when they need it. :)

[avt-tor.livejournal.com]

Heh. Sometimes the whine itself is the solution. ;)

[nolly.livejournal.com]

In such cases, the whiner is, in fact, doing what they are able to do to ameliorate the situation, no?

[avt-tor.livejournal.com]

Yup. ;)

[nolly.livejournal.com]

Thus, that sort of whining is not the sort of whining to which I object. I am only objecting to people whining about how X is broken and won't do things to improve X because it's "not their responsibility" -- not "I've tried, and it didn't work", not "I don't have the time/energy for that right now", not "I don't have that skill", but "I won't." People who seem to expect problems to magically disappear somehow. That sort of thing.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

The "yabbuts" who always say "Yeah, but..." followed by excuses for why it won't work. To EVERY suggestion you make for how they could improve their lives, especially when they have specifically solicited such suggestions (try saying that five times fast!).

Aigh.

[marahsk.livejournal.com]

OTOH, sometimes the person really has tried to solve the problem and can't, which is why they are upset and whining about it, and (general) you are unlikely to immediately, off the top of your head, come up with a suggestion they haven't already tried. IOW, one person's "excuses for why it won't work" are another person's "things I've tried that actually didn't work."

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm aware of that. And none of that applies to the specific person I was talking about, at all.

[marahsk.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. :)

[nolly.livejournal.com]

Nor does it apply in that cases I'm thinking of, which are no so much "that won't work" or "I can't do that" as "How dare you suggest it's my responsibility to address the problem? People should fix themselves without my help!" E.g., someone who would rather whine about litter than volunteer to pick up trash[1], even if they have the time and ability to do so. Does spending a day picking up trash in an area solve the littler problem? Of course not. Does it help a little? Makes a difference to a few people.

[1] or work on an awareness campaign, or do anything other than complain about people who litter.

[marahsk.livejournal.com]

Also fair enough. :)

I have occasionally whined about problems I didn't know how to solve, because had I known how to solve them, I would have worked towards doing so -- the frustrating part was having no solution.

[shipofools999.livejournal.com]

Instead of telling people what they should/should not do in public, a useful approach might be to inform them that if they are going to do such-and-such, they should be prepared to receive brainstorming solutions to the problem at hand from you.

I have let people know that I am not a listener, I am a problem solver. If they want someone to just listen, they need to find someone else. If they want problem solving, start talking.

For those public whines that never seem to be resolved, I stop reading those blogs. And I let the friend that wrote the whine know that I am no longer part of their audience.

[nolly.livejournal.com]

People are, of course, free to do whatever they like, in public or in private. But all our choices have consequences, and one of the consequences of the combination of public whining with a refusal to attempt to improve matters is that I will lose respect for the person doing same. It's not just whining, or whining about something the complainer lacks the time/energy/skill to fix, or whining about things that are entirely beyond one's control, it's whining and refusing to even try -- being offended when anyone dares to suggest possible courses of action -- while expecting other people to do all the work and make the problem disappear instantly.