Discuss:

[nolly]

There is a line between consideration and presumption. Since each individual draws zir own line, it is beneficial to behave in a manner that acknowledges the existence of this boundary, particularly while becoming acquainted with a person and learning where zir boundaries are. Caution is generally more successful than enthusiasm/eagerness when dealing with this and other boundary issues.

Comments

[betnoir.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

When I first meet someone, I tend to be rather quiet and withdrawn because I want to figure out where their boundaries are.

[rebecca817.livejournal.com]

That's my problem with the gent who sent what I thought were inappropriate cards and the phone calls. To him, though, he was treating me as a friend. It was still TOO familiar in my mind. I've had this problem a time or two before. Part of it is that I'm just openly friendly and some people take it the wrong way if you follow what I mean. Michael Mason called it flirting, I call it being friendly. So, it needs to be looked at cautiously no matter how you go.

Re: Discuss

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

how about cautious enthusiasm? :)

problem is that i don't see the latter as further along the other side of the spectrum to caution. i am quite enthusiastic when i really like new people, but i am also very conscious of respecting their boundaries, and step carefully at first.

Re: Discuss

[nolly.livejournal.com]

Perhaps "enthusiasm" isn't the right word -- I'm thinking of someone who, physically, emotionally, etc. behaves like a rambunctious puppy, bouncing all over the place with too little regard for what zie might be bouncing into, on, off, or through. "Eagerness" might be closer.

Re: Discuss

[esprix.livejournal.com]

Eagerness is a good word. I hate those people. I take the time to feel someone out (no pun intended) so I don't cross any lines.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

This is purpose -- or much of the purpose -- of etiquette and manners.

[shinobimaasch.livejournal.com]

I agree with what you mention. It makes sense.
It is good to be cautious when doing something, although too much caution could lead someone to act like me and ask every moment, "Is that OK?" or "Is everything OK?", which gets annoying.
But being overly enthusiastic can get feelings and bodies hurt. When you plow through with an idea where the other person has already dropped the hint, "stop!", it is callous and asking for trouble.
Well, this is just my opinion on this topic.

[drewkitty.livejournal.com]

I distinguish between people who are watching for boundaries, but aren't that good at spotting them -- sort of the bad drivers of the social world -- and the people who can't even see the boundaries, and go caroming off other traffic and getting into accidents all the time -- the kind of drivers who would lose their license to be social, or even do time confined to their room.

In general respecting the boundaries of others is a good thing.

What really irks me are people who know perfectly well where the boundaries are, and keep pushing them -- or needling at them, which is worse. THat's obnoxious.

As I pointed in our workplace harassment training, "subtle isn't." If you think you're being subtle, you may be shouting. Similarly, if you think you're shouting, you may be perceived as being subtle.