(no subject)

[nolly]

I wish more people understood more clearly that they are in control of their reactions to things, and that they are choosing to freak out about things that really aren't nearly as important as they decide they are.

-- esprix, slightly edited

Not entirely unrelatedly, strangers on the internet do not control my priorities or how I choose to use my time and energy, and I do not appreciate them attempting to dictate such. I also do not appreciate being accused of saying things I did not say -- the difference between "This is not important enough to me to spend any more time on" and "This is not important" is huge. Likewise, the difference between "This is mildly annoying" and "You should not do this" is huge.

Comments

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I'd have to say that esprix's comment is sometimes true. Not always. Not everyone is always in control of every reaction.

It's not just mental skills: there are genetic components to it, too -- people are genuinely temperamentally different.

[edgreen86.livejournal.com]

And, sometimes, it becomes important because the boss has changed the game plan and it is now suddenly important.

Now, you (the employee), have a certain control over your reaction to that. Reactions include just accepting it and moving on all the way up to walking out.

I have found over the years the worse way to deal with someone who is in crisis management mode is to get back in their face about it. YMMV.

[esprix.livejournal.com]

Alas, my boss is just an asshat sometimes. Whatever is in front of her at that particular moment suddenly becomes her #1 top priority, without bothering to consult with me to determine what other things I have going on, as I report to 3 different people and have conflicting priorities (and it's my job to prioritize appropriately). Trying to explain to her that her fire gets less priority because another fire is burning hotter works, but doesn't reduce her stress levels, which, in turn, affects my stress levels.

Basically, reporting to 2 type-A women and one asshat of a tool of a guy is hell on me. :)

[brooksmoses]

Oy.

That reminds me of someone talking about a thing they admired about their boss, which was that they had a sign in their office that said something along the lines of "Decisions will remain in effect until changed" -- by which they meant that it was perfectly fine to change decisions about what should be the top priority and such, but that once one had made a decision about it, any changes should be intentional and thought through, not just a result of superceding the decision thoughtlessly by a new decision.

[esprix.livejournal.com]

Granted, but in the workplace, I daresay you should get control over it.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Often easier said than done.

Me, I'm pretty much easygoing. I can have people swearing at me in a kitchen with the stove having exploded and the entire cooler of fruit spoiled, and not be stressed out. I can be the only bartender working an event of five hundred people, with customers lined up as deep as I can see, and not worry about it. It doesn't matter to me -- I do my job as best I can, and whatever happens happens (and I'm damn good at being a bartender, and often, I manage to keep the whole event going well even under those conditions).

But that's because that's my temperament. I don't get upset when people yell at me.

But a friend of mine who is temperamentally sensitive, and was abused as a child -- she's not so even-keeled. She CAN'T just let things roll off her back that way.

Naturally, she's NOT a bartender -- but even in HER job, which involves a lot less potential for yelling, she has much more trouble keeping an even keel.

And there's not much she can do about that fact.

[esprix.livejournal.com]

At least (hopefully) she recognizes it and at least tries to deal with it. Every job has stress, so if you're going to melt down at the slightest sign of it, you're not going to be very successful (which I think goes to the heart of the point - you have to exert some measure of control or you can't really work, let alone get through life). When my boss gets in a mood, she just lets fly and the consequences be damned (hence me having little pity, even if it were some kind of disorder, which I don't believe it is).

Anyway, I didn't mean to minimize that there are a lot of people with emotional and/or psychological challenges in their lives. I do recognize that.

[esprix.livejournal.com]

Thanks for quoting me! I can see it being particularly relevant with the examples you list. Similarly, "Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part," is something I quote often (and loudly) at work! :)